The Eligible Bachelor

hello ladiessssss.

Cruised in his Porsche 911 down the street. Got out of his car and did a red carpet entrance. Cladded with designer clothes, flanked by his bodyguards and his drop-dead gorgeous date. Striding across the hall with his I-own-this-place-attitude. Smiles. Nonchalant. Elegant. Making his presence felt. Everybody's looking his way. And everyone gossiped about how he was worth a billion bucks... He suddenly smooches his date and did a little PDA that shocked the mob. Ok, I made this last sentence up.


But you know who I am talking about.


PNoy is a bachelor. Some may argue the most eligible bachelor. Being the patriarch of 90million hopefuls hope-fools, with literally an army to back him up, he emulates power in every goddamn way. Who wouldn't fall for someone like him? Gulp.  :|


Now, the real issue for me is quite pressing: Looking at Pnoy makes me wonder what would it take to be an eligible bachelor. I know that applying many people's standards won't even put PNoy under the term "eligible" for some obvious "homer" reasons.  


By eligible I mean someone who's gonna knock you off your feet without much effort. Someone who's been there, financially and emotionally stable. Someone who can carry a decent and meaningful conversation. Someone who's slick, even sarcastic, and confident. Someone who exudes masculinity and tempered silence. Smirk on his face knowing that everyone looks at him with admiration and wishful thinking. Proud of himself yet humbled by who he became to be. 


Eligible means ready. Cut-out to become your McDreamy. A big fish. One that's really hard to find. One who's a keeper.


Why would girls drool over such a catch? Because men like those are scarce. Seldom found. And what would it take to be someone like that? A billion bucks? Harvard education? Executive directorship? Pondering about these questions led me to believe that men have the birthright--or maybe more appropriately curse--to be the breadwinner... not just for families, but for themselves... To strive for success. To strive for QUALIFICATION. To strive for stability. To prove themselves capable. To become the man girls will line up to get a piece of.


Ladies drool over McDreamy for the qualities he brings to the table. And these qualities often pertain to looks, stature, and potential. Romanticized. 


More and more I find it very difficult for men to become eligible. You girls have criteria all over. Height. Hair color. Complexion. Overall looks. Accent. Clothes. Money. Career. Car. House. Attitude. GUYS: Have all of those... and ladies will go gaga over you. Most people say men are superficial. Well I've got news for you: so are women. 


To become an eligible bachelor, you must have compelling characteristics that make girls want to take you home to their parents and get married the day after (Haha :|). That is why I think many guys get married at 30-35 years old. That way you have experienced around 10 years of your career, been where most people strive to be, had everything under control. Really independent of anything. Stable and satisfied. 


It really would make sense. 


But most people decide to get married way before the "eligible" stage and they seem to be happy about it. They can enjoy the kids more because they are still young. They spend the day with the wifey and enjoy each other's company without being concerned about getting tired too early. And I admire those people. Many of my friends are in fact getting married soon (some are already married) and I can't help but be proud of the things they sacrifice in order to be together.


It really would make sense to wait and become the eligible bachelor who has everything girls would really drool about. But in the end it's the question you have to answer by yourself: are you eligible enough to get married or not? Sometimes it's just a state of mind. Sometimes it's just a matter of choice. Oftentimes it doesn't even matter. And if you guys find someone who would accept you not as McDreamy (or like PNoy :| ), like the "eligible" bachelor this world defined it to be, and just accept you for who you are a-la-BrunoMars... then she might also be a keeper like you always are. 


I admire girls who would look past those superficial and worldly traits...


And for girls who are apparently superficial: our post-midlife-crisis President is still available. Or... you can wait all you want for the so-called (but highly disputable in so many angles) Mr. David-Beckham-of-the-Philippines all you want... But for all I know, his namesake is not all that true anymore 20 years from now. 


So what does it take to be an eligible bachelor? absolutely NOTHING. Every guy deserves to be considered eligible (although anyone can use a Porsche, or a TonyStarkAudiR8). Every (caveat: nice and sincere) guy should have a chance to sweep you off your feet. 

Teenage dream

my teenage dream

You're 14. What do you know about love? Okay, that's rhetoric. I'm almost twice that age and i still don't know what I know about love. Ask your parents, or grandparents. What do we know about love? Socrates may have the answer, because he said "all I know is I know nothing."

So kiddo, you're 14 and you "fell in love" with a girl in your school. She used to be your seat mate back in second grade and you once lent her your pencil. You teased her a lot--about her weight, her bad breath, her ridiculous accent, her sticky skin, her crappy hello kitty notebooks and most of all her big bulky curly hair. 

But after six years of growing pains and boyhood you realized the opposite sex is called the "opposite sex" for something. That somehow your being a tool's got to change fast. What was that feeling? Every time you see the girl you used to beat the crap out of back in grade school is growing to become a fine woman, there was an adrenaline rush... something came up (no pun intended) and it's called a teenage dream. Smitten by her long black hair, white teeth without braces, sparkling eyes, suddenly she smells great... she's now taller than you, growing in all sort of places you used to puke about.  

My oh my how she's grown to be someone you never thought you would like. And that feeling is priceless. Savor it. It's not first love. Might be puppy love. But what it really is... is your only fond memory of your innocence on attraction. Naivete. What do you know about love? Let me guess, it's the longing for someone's attention, for some connection, for something you and the other can share. The feeling that you should spend 24/7 with that person. The only one who matters. The world stops and your heart skips a beat. You've never felt this way before. And you'll die tomorrow if you can't let this all out today. You had to try and say it. Nothing is more important.

My friend, you are dead wrong. Like you were wrong about the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. Like you were wrong about wrestling and Superman. It gets complicated. Talk to me after 10 years and tell me what you think love is. Talk to me after 20, 30, 40 years and tell me something about love. You will never look at love the same way you look at that girl who caught your eye in high school like living will never be the same again. 

I just wish it is as simple as that. Back in high school you just have a crush, and for all you know she's already the one. We've all been there. I get it that Katy Perry sang about living a teenage dream. It's when life is so simple that you don't have to worry about getting married, having kids, paying the bills and amortizing your house. It's the only time you don't have to worry about not getting along, compromising, and breaking each other's neck for all you care. The only thing you care about is the two of you... the world can end.

10 years later, you're 24 (obviously I can add). At this day and age it's hard to find a teenage dreamy feeling. The world's not as simple as it was back in high school. Besides, the girl in your teenage dreams might have ended up looking like an elephant 10 years later. Kidding aside, ignorance is really sometimes better. Innocence is better. Because the world is not as great as advertised. You would want to be a 14-year old loser all your life because the world is a bigger bully than all the jocks in high school combined. 

And if you're looking for the girl of your dreams.... sure there are plenty of fishes in the sea. The perfect woman is maybe out there. But love is hard to find. It's okay to feel teeny dreamy every now and then but it shouldn't rock your world like when you were 14. Be mature. Enjoy. In the end we all know nothing about love. About relationships and how it's going to turn out. We just don't. It's a good feeling. But a teenage dream is still just a dream. You will have to wake up sooner or later.

So be sure to choose the right one. Take your time. Don't rush it like a teenage dream. Because remember... there's always a bigger fish. Make sure you won't regret eating a catfish when a caviar comes along. 

If you're 14 and having a teenage dream, enjoy. If you're my age and having the same dream, wake up. It's probably a bad one. But if you can't help it, I just hope you have a dreamcatcher. It might be worth the try. 

The Perfect Woman

she's right up there

No boys, it's not Anne Curtis Smith. Although in my list she might be right up there.  It's not Ximena Navarette. Although the title she represents puts her in that position easily. It's not Miranda effin' Kerr. Although everybody envies Orlando Bloom for snagging that one (really good job Mr. Bloom). 

It's certainly not Pokwang (at least according to Mo Twister). Not even Queen Latifah, Hilary Swank or Julia Roberts. Certainly not Vice Ganda (although the category might not fit him/her in the first place). And no "although" in this paragraph.

The bottom line is, we men are superficial at first. We know a good one when we see it. We appreciate physical beauty. But that's just the surface. Because in the end, looks account for nothing if you don't bring in the substance. 

And the criteria's not the same for everyone. Some like it hot, some like it simple. Some guys like the smile, some like the dimples. Some like big bold eyes, some are into Chinitas. Some like girls with short boyish hair, some people prefer long black hair. Some guys prefer fair complexions, while others are into morenas. 

Judging physical beauty is complicated. It really is in the eye of the beholder. But what makes a difference is the way she handles herself. If she reveals her true aura. Because girls--no matter how pretty--are still insecure. But if girls could just move past those insecurities and reveal who they really are, then it's a whole new ballgame. Men (well at least I speak for my not-so-superficial self, who can be found every now and then) also like character. Not just legs, fronts and be-hinds although those would be nice. Okay that's a little hard to accept, but if you're looking for smart-straight-eligible guys, prolonged affection should be supported by character.

Sad part is, guys only find a girl's real character after several dates, several months... several years. or even more. In economics, this problem is called Asymmetric Information. A guy may know something that the girl doesn't and vice-versa (and it's easy to take advantage of the situation because of this). There's no such thing as perfect information. If there is, then the market is operating under a perfect condition. We are always correct, and we always get what we paid for. So guys (like girls) have criteria for defining a perfect woman and it may include a lot of fronts, backs, aboves and belows, but it's incomplete. Girl may be all those, but she's keeping something that will be discovered after a long period of time. Guys are like that too. 

Girls are famous for their usually high standards for guys, e.g. tall dark and handsome (which is I consider poetic since I don't have any of those... haha). Then they have the smart, independent and rich criteria. But in the end they end up with bad boys with tattoos and a killer instinct. But this is another story. Girls are famous for their standards, and guys have their own. But really, what are standards for? 

I'd gladly have a girl who's 5'7" tall, fair-skinned, with long black hair and killer smile, eyes worth a million bucks and a pair of legs to die for. But that doesn't stop there. The list goes on and on. And the irony of it all is you throw it all away just for anyone. For someone you met at the bar, or for some childhood friend in your teenage dreams. Standards are just there to confuse us guys from defining what we want from what we need. Substance should make or break a budding relationship. Substance prolongs attraction. Substance REPLACES attraction. 

The perfect woman may be someone who will take care of us like our mothers. Someone who will accept us for who we effin' are and not just who we can be. Someone who will give us independence and room to grow. (alright I turned out to be a girl after all). In the end it can be anyone's guess. I'm no expert and your guess is as good as mine. 

But seriously, the perfect woman exists... in our dreams. And looking for her is like betting in the lottery--where the probability of winning is essentially the same whether you placed a bet or not. The problem is we still look for them because someone actually wins. Someone's lucky enough to rake it big time. 

The perfect woman may be perfect. But the real thing may even be better. So Anne Curtis you, if you are out there, don't be shy to give me a holler. A chance at reality is all we can ever get. In the end I don't want the perfect woman, I just want the right one. 

Mr. Brightside

you're amazing just the way you are

One of the things I always remember in evaluating my life, planning the next move and diagnosing the future is everything is self-fulfilling. If you think you're going to screw it up, then you are screwed. But if you think tomorrow is going to be a bright day, then make sure to pack your sunglasses because sunshine is exactly what you are going to get. 

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, this is the usual mantra. Hope that everything will be alright. But it's not that easy to be optimistic when inefficiencies and hangups surround us. It's so easy to be insecure. 

Exhibit A: girl weaves through dozens of wardrobes to look for the perfect (for the lack of better word) get-up, takes a few hours, looks in the mirror and puts on different shades of make-ups, can't decide what to use, takes another hour. And then she becomes upset that her closet isn't big enough, the mirror's making her look fat, and every dress she wears reminds her of her asshole ex boyfriend. Don't even get me started with shoes and bags...

What is this phenomenon? It's called "analysis-paralysis." We analyze too much. We all do, not just girls. 

Exhibit B: Guy's in his car, parked in front of his date's house, waiting nervously for the girl (introduced by his colleagues), thinking about appropriate things to say, trying to smell like a million bucks, cleaning up his trunk and leather seats, playing the third song from his custom-made playlist. With the i-never-been-on-a-date-for-a-year attitude painted on his forehead, he rehearses his "you look amazing" speech, thinking he's in big trouble. 

Yes you are. You are in big trouble because of your insecurities and analysis paralysis. We are all guilty of this in one way or another. But you know what, it doesn't help and we know it. We're so paralyzed by our own thinking that we can't move forward. In the end, you will get what you don't want to get and exactly the opposite of what you ordered. 

But the other way around works. Works like magic. Make a call, like saying "this night is going to be awesome" and don't pretend. You know you are awesome. You should be. And no one's going to steal your thunder tonight. Then walla, we hear music and magic. 

Why is it hard to be optimistic? Because society teaches us to be cynics. Bad experiences. Inexperience. Personal incapacity. Social class. Money. But if we just move past those, if we could just expand our horizons, we'll be a lot better. 

I am Mr. Brightside. I know (we all do) the future is uncertain and there will always be bumps and stopovers along the way.  We know it's not perfect, but it doesn't help if we raise our eyebrows every time we are uncertain about what's going to happen. The bright side is it could have been worse, everything is going to be fine. 

You want an example that's not relationship-based? Look at the stock market. It's full of self-fulfilling prophecies based on calculated risks and analysis-backed valuation. But in the end you have to make a call yourself. And if you believe in it enough that everyone also believes in you, you might just be right. Right now the market is optimistic, bullish, because of PNoy and the economy. Everyone joined the bandwagon. And walla, all-time highs almost everyday for the stock market index (PSEi). 

So choose your pill: Red or blue. Positive or negative. Because there's no turning back. You yourself predict your future, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Forget your weight, forget your smell, forget all the number-crunching statistics. In the end, we make our own fate. And if you believe in it with all your heart, you might just get lucky. 

The Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome

What's the craziest thing you've done lately?

After watching the 1967 classic Bonnie and Clyde, I feel ecstatic (and prolly bored of myself). You have two young people (read: Clyde was 25 and Bonnie was 23 years old then), robbing banks and killing people all over Central America. They had the time of their lives--after all, they live in the Great Depression era where you see people living in their cars without a penny in their pockets while banks foreclosed all their belongings. Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were AWESOME. But best of all, they were head-over-heels in love with each other. 

I always knew that their story was about two lovers-bandits-outlaws trying to emulate Jesse James in 20th Century America. But I didn't know how it really felt when I saw it in their eyes. (Ok, what I really saw were two great actors--Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty--acting as lovers. And when you have Hollywood hunk Warren and drop-dead-gorgeous Faye together in the silverscreen, it's not that hard to fall in love with their characters. But that's not my point.) Bonnie was, and if the script was at least half accurate, madly in love with Clyde. While Faye's physique (and looks) in this movie is somewhat distracting to my analysis of the love story, I concluded that what Bonnie and Clyde had was really special.

I am not writing this to offer a 40-year-delayed review of the Bonnie and Clyde film which is btw a thing of beauty. What I am most affected about is how the true story of Bonnie and Clyde were all about. Yes there were countless crazy things they've done during a 2-year hiatus of robberies, killings, and evasion from the law. Yes they were immortalized by what they did to rob banks, gas stations, grocery stores. But their true story was about love. Everything else they did were collateral damages. And for what it's worth I do hope most people find that type of love during these times. And if I have to be a criminal to find that feeling, I might still consider it. 

Funny thing is we do a lot of crazy things in life that we are aware about. Sometimes we're ashamed, most things we did we're not proud of. So I admire Bonnie's conviction to stay with Clyde--and as Jay-Z and Beyonce (circa 2003) woud put it, "all I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend... down to ride 'till the very end, it's me and my boyfriend." They lived a crazy life but they had one heck of a ride. And they were until their very deaths proud of it.

Those two died when they were around my current age. I can tell you now that I never robbed a bank (or a gasoline station), I never killed anyone (although I wouldn't be surprised to find out that most people have killed other people inside their heads and in their memories), I never evaded arrest (except maybe for a few MMDA/TMG traffic rule violations), but like most people I loved. I love. We love. 

It doesn't matter if we love ourselves, our careers, our families, friends, possessions, and all the worldly things. We love. And it gets crazy because love defies conventions and laws (exhibit A: Bonnie and Clyde). Love defies rationality. Love defies cultures, differences, dreams, plans, circumstances, adversities, diet, traffic rules, and even gravity. Even the Discovery Channel knows this. And when you think about it, love indeed conquers all. 

The only problem is if we loved ourselves too much. But that's another story right?

So to answer the question at the beginning of this post, I think it suffices to say that the craziest thing we did--all of us--lately is to love. Like I said, it doesn't matter who or what you loved. You just did. It is crazy. And (I hope I'm not being blasphemous by saying this) even God loves us even if it doesn't makes sense for us to be loved at all by Him (and I'm not saying God's crazy). We love. Period. Our lives are full of Bonnie and Clyde events. But I'm sure most of us just wish we could find love in another's eyes (this again is another story). 

Thanks to Bonnie and Clyde, now I realized so many things about love that I ruined my Saturday afternoon nap in the process. Cheers to one of the loveliest love story of all time (for me at least). For what it's worth, it makes me want to cry (want is the operative word here). 

Now that this is out of the way, let me get that well-deserved nap. Out.